Since I just admitted that I’m suffering from some degree of SAD, perhaps now is not the best time to ponder my cultural identity. Then again, perhaps it is the perfect time, especially as several catalysts (MLK Day, the recent shooting in Arizona, and a US identity-related assignment for Gabriel’s Kindergarten class) have conspired to bring this recurring personal crisis to my attention today.
I was born in the United States and have lived there most of my life. Even including the fair bit of global wandering I’ve managed to fit in, I’ve still only spent about three years out of almost 36 outside the United States, so there is no doubt that, by every conceivable definition, I am American. I hold a US passport. I vote rather religiously. I cry during the National Anthem more often than not and nearly always sing along.
And yet I struggle to self-identify as American, having spent a great deal of my life in America feeling alienated and out of step with the majority of my compatriots. I’m not sure if that alienation is where the immense feeling of relief that came when I first moved to France in 1996 had its roots, but it’s a dirty little secret that I’ve had for many years now: I feel more comfortable in my own skin when I do not live in the United States. I do not pretend that no one will be offended by that statement, but it is the truth.
The crazy thing of it is that it’s not that I set foot in France, England or Finland and thought “I’m home” as I was welcomed with open arms into my ideal community. Quite the contrary–I’ve been undeniably foreign in each of those places. But somehow it’s a bit more acceptable to feel that way when you’re not in your home country.
For the two years we lived in England, what it meant to be an American was not only a dinner-table conversation in the Artz household but, in the aftermath of September 11, something of an international debate. I was pulled in two directions as I simultaneously wanted to stand strong, comfort & protect my grieving country and distance myself from the jingoism and war-mongering that emerged as one of the many, but perhaps loudest, voices of the American People.
I am reminded that the size of our country doesn’t help create the cohesion that I apparently seek. That sort of identity is much easier in my current residence, Finland, with a population just slightly larger (at 5.4 million) as my home state of Colorado, and a history that united a small group of more or less homogenous people against a common enemy (Sweden & Russia, in turn, over hundreds of years of history).
A challenge I see so often in America is that it is other Americans that are considered the enemy. The life and struggles of Martin Luther King Jr. bring this into sharp focus, but this trend certainly didn’t begin with the Civil Rights Movement. It’s hard to pinpoint the beginning–was it the Red Coats vs. the Revolutionaries, the North vs. the South, Democrats vs. Republicans, Christians vs. Other, capitalists vs. communists/socialists (unlike so many pundits out there, I do not confuse these two very separate ideologies, or use them interchangeably), etc., etc. ad nauseum.
I have no desire to summarize all the many challenges our country faces, and no ability at this point to elicit huge change there, so the best I can hope for is to reconcile my own feelings about my nationality. One of the reasons this is so strongly on my mind is that it’s not just my own cultural identity that is hazy. Many of the books and articles I’ve read on culture shock indicate that it is my job as a parent to instill my children with a sense of their own cultural identity. Tonight, having just helped Gabriel put together a box with items that embody what it means to us to be American, that’s feeling like an immense task.
In some ways, it is easier to carry the good parts of America with me to Finland and leave the bad behind, because I no longer see, on a daily basis, the impact of poorly-funded schools, expensive and inaccessible healthcare, a hate-filled, corrupt & inefficient political system, and the continued alienation, punishment, and marginalization of the [insert one or more: poor, brown, gay, liberal, vegan, non-Christian, the list goes on] community.
I could thumb through photos of the majestic Rocky Mountains, hold on to warm memories of family & friends, bake endless apple pies to “share my culture” with my new friends, and try to forget the rest if not for the fact that my children are now at the perfect age to start gaining an understanding and appreciation of what it means to be American. For now, an American Flag, a handful of American money, and some pictures & postcards satisfied the assignment (it’s only Kindergarten after all). I have a feeling that a much better response will be required very soon. I hope I have one.
4 comments
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admin
January 18, 2011 at 3:29 am (UTC 3)
Dawn, I started down the track of pointing out all the different peoples we as a nation have oppressed, but it was distracting me from my larger point. Please know that indigenous peoples were heavily on my mind as I wrote about the marginalization & persecution of brown people.
Mom, well said!
Alison, while I think you highlight some of the best ideals of America, I am afraid that I don’t agree that it is currently a land free of class distinctions or a place of religious tolerance. And while anyone can apply, current practice is to turn down as many as possible
I hope it may be as you describe again someday, and I do heartily agree that grassroots organizing and individual contribution will have a huge part in that if and when it happens. But for now, we’ve got a lot of work to do.
Alison
January 17, 2011 at 4:53 pm (UTC 3)
I love, love, loved(!) my first class in Non Profit Management because we spent our time going over the whole of American History from the stand point of associations, organizing, grassroots organizing, religious freedom, toleration and such. Part of the American identity is our individualism!!! No other place in the world values individualism and the dissenting opinion like an American. Many different people try to tell you what it is to be an American and each of us has a different experience, and we are all accurate, because it is our individual experience. And so, in this vein I’d include a copy of the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence.
This is not to say that other peoples, lets take the English as an example, do not value opinions, the English as we know can be quite blunt and opinionated, but there is a history of aristocracy and class difference that does not exist in the US. The same is to be said of the French. And immigrants to these countries have a hard time acculturating, because the national identity and class identities are in fact so strong. Historically, Americans have been free to create and protect their opinions and create themselves to be whomever they wish to be and this is not dependent on one’s status as native or immigrant…all may apply.
Grassroots organizing, dissenting opinions, a “can do” attitude, all of these are wonderful American traditions! As is compassion (although this has changed with time). Think of the stories of Depression Era vagabonds and veterans that used to go door to door begging, the stories of women inviting them in for a piece of pie or a meal. The Underground Rail Road and even the Temperance Movement. Could any of these things happened in Europe or were they the pure creation of the individualism and spirit of Americans?
I could go on, but do not have the time!
Mom
January 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm (UTC 3)
I understand your dilemma. America is far from perfect, and seems to being headed for a worse time. I worry about what is to become of a nation where “hate” is the status quo. I don’t like it any better than you, but it is my country and I will live with it and try any way I can to turn it into a country that accepts individualism and differences as a positive not negative effect. That said, you have to remember that you are what you have become as an adult as a result of living in America. You were allowed to be an individual and have some “different” ideas while growing up. While I realize that this is true because you are from an upper middle class, white, Christian home, I hope that some day this will be true for all people in America. I can only hope that the “hate” that is being strewn about will abate and we will get back to the basics of “loving our neighbors.”
Dawn Jo
January 17, 2011 at 3:15 pm (UTC 3)
You didn’t mention Indigenous Nations… but other than that I love it… ;.)
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