Those of you who read ChezArtz on a regular basis might be expecting another funny story about Gabriel and his beloved tools. Today, however, the screwdrivers mentioned in the title are in fact of the alcoholic variety and represent the quantity of alcohol consumed before 5pm today.
Before you rush off to call social services, read about what happened to me today and you might come to believe that I was in fact being conservative by only drinking two (in fact, I must sadly admit that I finished off the vodka, or this might be titled “Five screwdrivers, or why tudaey iz not my daey!”).
First, let me remind you all that Matt is in California this week, so I’m alone with the kids. Despite some really helpful friends who have fed me and entertained the kids for me this week, that still means I alone am on night duty with Miss Lily, whose Indian name should be “Teeths with Uproarious Lack of Sleep.”
I went to bed at 9pm last night, missing a chance to talk to Matt after his uber-geek conference, because I was so darned exhausted and I knew I had a big day ahead of me today. Lily woke up five times over the course of the night, so going to bed early was a good plan. I got the kids up, breakfasted and dressed in time for my first call, where I found out that I’m probably getting laid off at the end of the month. You read that right: I’m getting laid off from my job a mere four days before I close on my new house.
I then found out that the underwriter who is taking care of our mortgage decided that the number of addresses on our credit report was too high and needed a letter, signed by both Matt & I, explaining it. Keep in mind that Matt’s in California and that until last month we had lived in our house on Carr Ave since 1999, so these addresses were going all the way back to our parents’ addresses while we were in college! I was able to convince them to accept just my signature, and they agreed. Disaster #1 averted.
The next disaster came about because our appraiser apparently thought it was OK to use flood maps from 1995 to assess the flood risk for our house. Despite the fact that our house is in a 500-year flood plain (meaning that it is estimated to flood once every 500 years or less, i.e. no flood insurance needed), it was apparently at one time (before 1995) in a 100 year flood plain, which does require flood insurance. Apparently adding flood insurance is not just a single phone call, 5-minute thing. It involves getting maps and surveys and all sorts of things because insurance companies will only provide flood insurance for houses that really need it.
Oh, and while I was faxing the letter about our addresses up at the club house, the cat decided to eat the rest of my leftover pizza from lunch and puke it spectacularly all over the carpet while both kids were watching (eager, might I mention, to play in the puke!).
So now I’m sitting here as the clock clicks closer to 5 pm (when I’m sure all parties involved will forget about my mortgage and my closing in FOUR DAYS and go home to their dinners), and the insurance company and the mortgage company have not yet agreed as to whether I need to get flood insurance for my house. Insurance, mind you, that has to be bought and paid for before I can close IN FOUR DAYS.
Did I mention that the kids and I fly out at 10am tomorrow for Grammy’s 100th birthday? Did I mention that we don’t return until about 12 hours before WE’RE SUPPOSED TO CLOSE ON THE HOUSE?
Jeez. I need another screwdriver…
—
Thanks to everyone who has commented on this post. I’m feeling much better this morning (despite the screwdrivers 
) and looking forward to seeing Grammy for her birthday. I wanted to let everyone know that although finances will be tighter on putting in the yard & decorating, we’re in no financial trouble if I lose my job. In fact, the savings on babysitting alone will cut (ready to gasp?) more than $1000 from our monthly budget, and that’s just for Lily, as I will work at McDonalds with Lily in the Mei Tei before I pull Gabriel from his beloved preschool
I also found out that my old boss is working his magic to try to get me funded through another group. We’ll know more next week, but I know he’s exhausting all avenues to keep me on board, which I appreciate more than he knows!
4 comments
Peg says:
September 7, 2007 at 3:46 pm (UTC 2 )
All I can think of on this Friday morning is wondering how you’re doing handling TWO toddlers and TWO carseats, plus luggage and toys for them and you, by yourself at the airport! Not to mention, checking in, going through security, etc. Assuming that the airline serves alcohol between Denver and Pennsylvania, I wonder if you can manage to drink them dry! ; )
I’m not worried. You’ve never not been able to handle a mountain of crap yet!
Heather says:
September 7, 2007 at 4:15 am (UTC 2 )
Oh,fuc* (I don’t want to push your blog over into the NC-17 rating) I am SO sorry all this is happening right now. God, I would have wanted way more than two drinks myself!!!
Everything will work out- what happens if you delay the closing a few days/weeks while you get the flood insurance? Surely these things happen, and it wouldn’t be the first time a closing gets delayed. Just think maybe in a few short weeks, you will actually look back at this and laugh- I don’t think I know anyone who bought a brand new house, that didn’t have a few glitches along the way.
Big bummer about the job- will you be okay on finances? Do you have some other prospects you could pursue if you want to keep working?
Again, so sorry. I’ll be sending you some relaxing energy, and even though it is hard, try to relax and enjoy your grammy’s party. Everything will be okay.
amygeekgrl says:
September 7, 2007 at 3:33 am (UTC 2 )
oh shit. that sucks! (no censorship here!)
P
i hope everything works out ok.
hugs to ya.
btw, j is in CA right now too. wish we could go off on trips too (even if they are work-related).
Nicole says:
September 6, 2007 at 11:28 pm (UTC 2 )
Oh no! I need to drink just reading this and I didn’t even live it!!!! I am so sorry about your job and all the silly paperwork. Everything will work out, I know. It just may take a few years off your life getting there
If it’s any consolation you crack me up! I lvoe how you write